Everything is sent to help us IF we allow it to...
Posted on 20th July 2022 at 07:05
And, “yes” we know what you’re thinking.
Or, more accurately, the Little Monster in your Head is thinking (!). How this is all very well in theory BUT simply doesn’t apply to you. There then follows a long list of things that DEFINTELY didn’t help you; whether far back in the mists of time or more recent. So, there. End of story. Full stop.
Before we go any further, this is probably a good time for a nice deep calming breath. Then, perhaps, several more too (!).
Little Monster in your Head back under control?!?
Then we’ll now explain the reasoning behind this very simple statement which, all too often, can become a potentially inflammatory one.
However much we may like to think otherwise, life doesn’t revolve around each of us. We are not “Special Snowflakes.” Much – if not the vast majority – of what happens in our lives has nothing to do with us and is outside our control. We simply get caught up in it as innocent bystanders or spectators. Or, more accurately, we choose to get involved in some way, whether it has anything to do with us or not…
Despite this, the Little Monster in our Heads tries to convince us that everything which happens in our lives is all about us. Life revolves around us.
Unfortunately, this instantly narrows down our perspective, so we can only view whatever it is from our own individual viewpoint. Label it as “good” or “bad”. Desirable or undesirable.
More importantly, this instantly limits how we choose – yes, that word again (!) – to experience and respond to it. So, if something is labelled as “good” we’re likely to do so in one way. If it’s labelled as “bad” – or, even worse a “problem” to be solved or resisted (!) – then it’ll be in a completely different way.
Now here’s the potentially inflammatory bit. No situation or person is automatically “good” or “bad”. They’re all neutral. Yes, really. Each of us puts our own label on it depending on our particular circumstances, beliefs, experiences and lots more besides.
And, “yes”, we know the Little Monster in your Head will probably have a lot to say about this simple statement and can come up with lots of examples of it being otherwise. However, if you take ANY situation or person, you’ll find that each one of us will experience – and then respond to it – in a different way.
While there may be some sort of consensus on the “good” or “bad” label, not everyone will use the same label or, even then, experience it in the same way. There are many shades or “good” and “bad”. The label – and shade – is up to each of us. This then drives our feelings and response.
From there, it’s only a short step to using it as evidence of the story we like to tell about ourselves or our lives. After all, we all love a good story, the more outrageous the better (!). “I’m a good / bad person.” “Bad things always happen to me.” And much more besides. It’s easy to see how a vicious downward spiral can then quickly ensue…
Not only does this approach instantly limit our options, it can make life feel as though it’s just one thing after another. A constant battle. Even worse, it leads to our lives being driven by knee jerk reactions of whether something – or someone – is “good” or “bad”. And guess who’s in the driving seat for this? The Little Monster in your Head. All too often, this means we repeat the same behaviour – and mistakes – over and over again, with all too predictable results.
So, isn’t it time for a different approach?
As soon as we realise that it’s up to each of us which label we put on any person or event, the feeling of powerlessness disappears. While we may not control what’s happening, we do control how we choose to experience it. True, it may not be something we would like, but we can keep all the options open; both as to how we experience it and then respond to it. And, if it’s something that wouldn’t be on our “good” list (!), it makes a more favourable solution or outcome much more likely, rather than limiting us to only the “bad” outcomes. Life flows more easily as a result.
And from this more neutral viewpoint, it’s only a short step to realising that whatever happens in our lives is sent to help us in some way IF we allow it to. While it may not be immediately obvious, the benefit will always be there IF we look for it.
Perhaps it’s just a simple disruption of our normal routine which jolts us out of autopilot and allows us to make a more conscious decision – choice (!) – about what we’re doing. Noticing that we’re rushing, distracted or being driven by someone else’s agenda, rather than our own. Perhaps we notice, for the first time, a better – or easier – way to do something. A little “tweak” that makes our lives flow more easily.
Maybe it’s a series of things, or the same thing keeps happening, albeit in different guises. Or the people we allow into our lives. Whatever the cause, it allows us to join the dots and “encourages” us to take a closer look at our beliefs or some aspect of our lives that no longer works for us or reflects who we are. Home. Relationships. Job. And much more.
Or, perhaps, it’s one of those big life events that come from nowhere and blow our world apart. While it may be difficult to see it the time, it gave us the impetus to look at our lives anew. Showed what’s working for us and what isn’t. Allowed us to take those big decisions that we never would have previously considered. Or have been putting off.
By taking a more neutral viewpoint on life, it allows us to make “tweaks” – adjustments, improvements or upgrades – much more easily to ourselves and our lives. From the smallest to the largest. To flow more easily through life. Be truer to ourselves.
Life isn’t complicated – yes, really (!) – although we have a great ability to make it so, all too often driven by the Little Monster in our Heads. Being in a more neutral place allows life to flow more easily, becoming a journey to be enjoyed rather than a constant struggle.
As always, the choice is yours.
Photography by unknown author
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