Are you sending out mixed messages?
Posted on 16th May 2018 at 07:30
There’s no doubt that we all send out mixed messages at times. Sometimes we’re aware of it. Like those occasions when we find ourselves saying that we’d love to do something – or see someone – while that little voice in our head is shouting “no” very loudly. Those dreaded family visits or other occasions we promise ourselves that we’ll never get roped into again (!).
Thankfully, we’re not going to venture any further into this particular minefield (!) but, instead, talk about the mixed messages we send out every day without realising it. And, if you think this doesn’t apply to you, read on.
One question we’re regularly asked by clients is why something they’ve set their hearts on isn’t happening. And it doesn’t matter what it is. Perhaps it’s a new job, the partner of their dreams or something material, such as a new car or house.
Often the answer is distressingly simple. They’re not 100% sure on what they desire. This quickly becomes apparent when you ask them about it – they can’t imagine themselves actually having it, let alone describe it to you.
Strangely, the same isn’t the case if you ask them what they don’t want. While it sounds completely illogical, people can ALWAYS tell you what they don’t want, rather than what they do. And usually in excruciating detail. If you’re in any doubt, just listen to those around you (!).
The good news is that this isn’t as much of an obstacle as it at first appears. Why? Well, if you know what you don’t want, then all you need do is look at the exact opposite for what you do!
However, simply knowing what you desire isn’t enough, although it gets you off to a good start.
The thing that really seems to trip people up is being able to turn whatever it is they desire from theory into practice. By this we mean taking the thought that they would like to have x to being able to imagine themselves actually having it.
And, crucially, experiencing the same feelings of joy, excitement, satisfaction and contentment of doing so. In other words, being able to experience it in all its glorious detail BEFORE you have it. What it would look like. How it would feel. What your life would look like with it. It’s like creating your own film about it with you in the starring role.
So, for example, say it’s your dream job. Then your film would take you from home through your working day. How good it feels each morning waking up to your dream job, what you wear, your colleagues, your new office, how you go about your day and how it feels. As you imagine it in all its glory, it feels so real that it’s almost as though it’s happening to you now. You feel happy and happy about it.
Or, perhaps, it’s your dream car. In your film you would imagine the car on your drive at home, hear the door closing as you get in, starting the engine, putting it into first gear and driving away. You can smell the new seats and feel the air on your face from the open window. How good it feels driving your dream car and how much you enjoy the experience.
But what if you can’t quite imagine what it would be like to have your dream now?
Perhaps you don’t think you deserve to have it or can’t see how on earth you’d ever get it. So, the doubts start to creep in and the certainty that you can have it ebbs away. The little Monster in your head starts to list all the reasons why you can’t have it or it won’t happen.
Instead of simply focussing on your desire, you focus on all the “BUTs”. The reasons why you won’t ever have it. And with it come those mixed messages. On one hand you would like to have it. On the other are all the reasons you can’t. Is it any wonder that you don’t make any progress?
And then, to make matters worse, you find yourself saying the same things out loud, every time the subject comes up.
The end result is that the doubts take over and you grind to a halt. After all, if you’re thinking that you don’t deserve something – or can’t have it – and then saying the same out loud; how likely is it that you’re going to do anything positive to put your dreams into action?
Or, if you do, how likely are they to be successful?
If you look back up to the picture earlier in this post, it beautifully illustrates the effect mixed messages have. To win the jackpot – your desire – you have to get all your fruit in a row. Send out a consistent message. And it’s much simpler than you may think:
To start with you must be 100% clear on exactly what you desire.
You then simply imagine it in all its glory in your head, complete with you in the starring role. Feel how good it would feel to have it. It’s fun to do and you’ll find yourself smiling as you do it!
Back this up by only ever thinking that you can have it.
And only ever talking about it positively.
This way you’re sending out the same – consistent – message about whatever it is you desire. It feels good and makes it easy for you to take small positive steps in the right direction. After all, if you’re excited by something and sending out a consistent message, this last step – literally – is easy.
Over the years we’ve noticed that many people say this sounds like hard work. Much more complicated than it need be. The truth is that you’ve done this in the past many, many times without ever realising what you were doing. It’s the natural – and easy – way to achieve anything. And, if you cast your mind back to some of the things you have achieved in the past, you’ll find this is exactly what you’ve done.
Before we finish, just one quick word of warning. Exactly the same process applies to the things you don’t desire, as well as those you do. It’s just as easy to send out consistent messages out about something you don’t want, as well as those you do.
So now cast your mind back to all those times you’ve thought – and talked – about something you didn’t want to happen. All that focus, energy and fear you put into it. And then, guess what, it happened? Now you know why.
And, by a final supreme act of irony what did you say?
That you knew it would happen. Of course it did, how could it not?
Thoughts and words have great power. Use them wisely.
Now it’s over to you to get your fruit in a row.
As always, the choice is yours.
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