Just how comfortable is your comfort zone?

 

 

While we’d all agree that a degree of safety and security are a good thing – and part of our most basic survival needs – they can end up stifling us. Taking the joy and spontaneity out of life. 

 

Set against this is our very natural desire to have more than we currently have. More things – and not just the latest shiny gizmo or must have. New experiences. And much, much more. 

 

But here’s the rub, getting these involves doing something new – or different – which takes us outside our comfort zone. 

With these two competing desires pulling us in different directions – do we stay in our comfort zone or dare to step outside it?!? – it’s not surprising it can lead to a little inner tension. To put it mildly… 

 

It also raises an important question. And one we hinted at with the heading for this post. If our comfort zone was so comfortable, then why would we want to step outside it to experience something new or different?!? 

 

While you may not hear many people say it, the fact we desire anything new – or different – shows that our comfort zone isn’t really as comfortable as we thought. If it was, then we’d be happy with what we already have and wouldn’t want anything else, would we? 

 

Really it all boils down to a question of degree. How much do we want whatever it is and how far are we prepared to go outside our comfort zone to get it?!? 

 

The advice usually given is to go for things or experiences that are big and / or scary. In other words, well outside our comfort zone. The rationale behind this is that they’ll create passion and excitement, so inspiring us to get them. 

 

Unfortunately, it often has exactly the opposite effect. More like “bunny in the headlights” leading to fear, procrastination and failure. And, continuing on the bunny theme, involving very little carrot and far too much stick to achieve (!). 

 

So, wouldn’t it be better to start with things or experiences that are only just outside our comfort zone? Ones that give a tingle of excitement – “I haven’t done this before but know I can” – rather than a fear induced paralysis. 

 

Something we get pleasure and satisfaction from achieving, as well as from the process of getting there. In other words, from the journey itself – however short it may be – as well as the end result. And, in so doing, building our confidence for forays further afield. Much more carrot than stick. 

 

Let’s take a simple example of buying a new car. 

 

If we’ve only ever bought older second hand cars, then going for a big new shiny top of the range model is going to be well outside our comfort zone. Instantly our focus changes from the excitement of owning a new car to all the reasons why we couldn’t possibly have it. How on earth will we pay for it? Can we get a loan? Do we even want a loan? What about the repayments? Running costs? Insurance and road tax? The list goes on and on. 

 

And, before we know it, we’re stuck in a state of fearful indecision. Sadly, we all know what the end result will be. Giving up on the idea and letting the Little Monster in our Heads use this “failure” as yet another way to undermine our confidence when we’re having “one of those” days. 

 

So, what about if we only stepped a little way out of our comfort zone? 

 

Perhaps going for an “almost new” ex demonstrator car, rather than a big shiny new top of the range model. Not only is it a much better model than we currently have but only a few months old. In fact, it still has that new car smell when we open the door. 

 

Cue feelings of excitement about this lovely – new to us (!) – car, making it easy to imagine having it. How good it feels to drive. How it only costs a little bit more to insure, service and run than our old car. In fact, it almost feels as though we’ve bought it already. Sorting out the practicalities has suddenly become much easier, something we can do without much effort. 

 

Before we know it, our lovely new car is parked on the drive. We’ve stepped a little way outside our comfort zone, built up our confidence and made our next foray into the unknown much, much easier. 

 

So often it seems that we make life much more complicated for ourselves than it need be. And, in the process, set ourselves up for worry, stress, failure and misery. Not to mention providing a big stick for the Little Monster in our Heads to beat us up with on the days when we’re feeling less than good about ourselves. 

 

One of the biggest illusions is that we’re safer staying in our comfort zone. Sadly, the reverse is true. All it does is keep us stuck in an ever deepening rut leading to stagnation, boredom and loss of all the things that makes life worth living. Excitement, growth, new horizons. Making us stronger, more resilient and confident in the process. 

 

So, rather than letting the Little Monster in our Heads continue to spin us this most crafty little illusion, why not take a deep calming breath and start right now with the smallest of steps? Ones that take you only a little way outside your comfort zone. Slowly building your confidence up with one small success after another. After all, it doesn’t take many small successes to create a much larger one; just as any journey begins with a single small step. 

 

As always, the choice is yours.